Not my usual sunshine self - a sad one

 Feeling moody today.

Kinda snapped at John, and made him feel bad. :(
Bad Paulette.
John is awesome. Didn't deserve it.
My sugars are out of whack. I don't think my new diabetes med is working well for me.
That probably contributes to me feeling icky.
Gonna contact my doctor on Monday.  

I just realized I haven't posted here in a bit.

Weight is up.  

185 lbs.

I feel fat and useless.  
I know I'm not, but it's how I feel.

I have been doing a walk, almost daily.  

Hard to do, when the weather is bad.  Which seems to be every other week now.  

Not many sidewalks here in rural-ville.  But the roads don't get a lot of use, so I walk on those.  The roads are in need of work, which most of the prospective city council members mentioned as a point in their profiles before the election.  

My feet are slowly losing feeling, from the toes.  

I wanna cry.  No use to it, though.  

My own life choices brought it about.  

New med leaves tender spots where the auto-injector goes in. Still sore from last week's injection, and new spot sore from this week's dose.  

Sitting here, doing nothing, my heart rate is 105 bpm.

:'(
If we have a measured number of beats, I'm running through mine almost twice as fast as most people.

That's why I'm doing the walking.  Doctor thinks my heart is "deconditioned", and needs exercise to 'condition' it.  

It might work.  Dunno.  I just take the walks.  When the weather gets better, I'll be able to take longer ones.  I just don't like walking in my boots.  And walking on the treadmill is boring.  I was doing some strength stuff.  Then my elbow started aching.  So I stopped that for a bit.  I  might start again.  Again, I don't know. 

I feel like I'm flailing in a pool, looking for the edge to hold on, and I'm too far in the deep end to get to it.  At least I didn't inhale any of the water.  

Just tired.